Ways to Help a Loved One Through Their Grief

You all have been very sweet to me. I didn’t expect so many people to read my words. Thank you for the kind messages you have sent me. Many people have asked me how they can support me during this time. It’s hard because I honestly don’t know because it varies from day to day. For someone who has been through something very traumatic, it’s oftentimes hard for them to identify what they need. I’ve learned that many people cope with traumatic instances differently and that’s absolutely okay. God made us all different with different abilities and strengths. 

For those who want to help a friend with their grief and loss of a loved one, I thought I would share some of the things that have helped me. 

1. Acknowledge their loved one 

Many times, people are afraid to bring Caleb up to me, as if he didn't exist. They think that dismissing him will help me feel better and by not talking about him will help me feel more comfortable, but it’s quite the opposite. I enjoy talking to people about Caleb and about our life together and who he was. Not bringing Him up makes me sad and lonely.

2. Along with asking what you can do for them, think of ways you can bless them

It is so sweet that people reach out and ask what they can do to offer help. Most of the time, I don’t know what I need or know what to do and I don’t know how to respond. If you have a prompting to serve them, follow through with it. They will appreciate the smallest of acts. For example, my best friend's mom brought me Maddox rolls just because she felt like I needed them. I didn't know I needed them at the time, but it made my day so much better.

3. Avoid telling them that they will move on from their grief someday

Many people have told me that I will move on from Caleb and his death because I was only married to him for a short amount of time. People who lose a loved one don’t want to move on from them. They need help to “move through” their grief. Remember that they don’t see an end to their grief- try to help them through it and be patient with them.

I realize that these suggestions aren’t for everyone, but I have found that they have helped me. Maybe they can help your friends and loved ones face the hardest trial of their lives. Support is the best remedy you can offer. I know God places people in our lives for a reason and I love and appreciate that. Thank you all.

Love, MJ