Emblems of Forgiveness

Early in this journey I had many unfortunate things happen to me. I won’t sugar coat the mess, because that is what it was.

Believe it or not, there were individuals who did not have my best interests at heart.

They gave unsolicited advice about my and my husband’s fate.

They spoke down to me, minimized my feelings,

and even said things like:

“Little girl.”

“He would be so disappointed in you.”

“How can you even sleep at night?”

All of these interactions pierced my soul. I felt racked with torment. How could another’s words cut so deep? How could my heart truly ache like this?

Like many, I withdrew.

At first, out of pain.

Eventually, out of necessity.

I set physical distance from the people who hurt me and emotional distance as well.

Through therapy, I found the strength to protect my spirit and self-preservation.

I learned something profound:

You need to feel to heal.

Feeling all of the difficult feelings, the hurt that others caused. The pain, the hardship. Processing their words.

It’s been excruciating and difficult, however, I have been able to come to a place where I feel lighter. I accept that I may never receive a sincere apology. I realized that I take my own accountability to forgive, but I won’t forget, respectfully moving forward.

Boundaries are emblems of forgiveness. They represent the self-love and respect for myself and will allow me to keep myself emotionally safe. They also represent to me that I can love the people who hurt me from afar. Maybe this physical distance won’t be forever. It has helped me heal. I’m also open to honest, respectful conversation. Maybe in time, we can find our way back to each other, gently.

M