Love and Limits

Let me confess once again that I hate the spring. Once what used to bring me hope, now is replaced with anxiety as another year approaches without him.

I often remember unpleasant memories and it is difficult for me to cope during this time. Most of the time, I distance myself from social media and allow myself to grieve off screen.

I have learned to set limits or emotional boundaries for myself.

I believe that one of the most freeing things you can do for yourself is to set limits and personal restrictions.

Early on in my grieving process, there were individuals who saw things differently than me. They would dishonor my voice and opinions, would put me down, gaslight me, and emotionally belittle me.

I was young, but I wasn’t stupid. I did not deserve to be treated that way as Caleb’s widow.

I decided that I didn’t need to feel that way anymore and put up with emotional abuse. I wanted a life of peace and healing.

So I decided to distance and restrict access to myself from the people who hurt me.

It was extremely difficult because these were people who I loved.

However, it allowed me to rely on myself, process extreme sadness and anger, trust myself, and create emotional resilience. I found my voice.

A couple of months ago, I met with someone from my past. I was nervous but I felt like after 4 years I had the bandwidth and tools to have an effective conversation.

The reunion was special, full of tears, and forgiveness.

Space and time do wonders with a broken heart. We were able to share how we felt with no reservation. I was able to express my hurt and they listened.

Restricting access to your mind and well being is needed sometimes in your life. It has helped me process such an unbelievable tragedy.

Maybe someday I’ll be open to having more discussions and reunions. We will see what the future holds. But for now, I am okay with the progress I have made.

Love the limits you set.

MJ